Pride's Purge

(satire)

Cern scientists reporting from the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) have claimed the discovery of a new so-called ethics particle consistent with evidence that tiny sub-atomic traces of honesty could theoretically exist in traders at Barclays Bank – albeit in miniscule amounts.

Confirmation of the appearance of microscopic principles – which exist for only micro-seconds before decaying into more base instincts – in traders deep inside the heart of Barclays will finally put to rest doubts by scientists and experts – some of whom have long doubted the existence of any ethical behaviour in the financial institution at all.

The minute traces of decency – weighing in at a tiny 125.3 gigaelectronvolts (GeV) – has been the subject of a 45-year hunt to explain the scientific mystery of how so much of everything we can see can be swallowed up by banks when they comprise just 4% of the…

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About shakkka

Londoner, climate scientist, extremist. All views are my own.

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